Exes – probably the theme with the biggest number of advice ever given. When my friends approach me and ask for help on how to deal with a breakup, what to do when they run intro their exes or maybe if they decide to get post-split coffee together, no one will give them a better advice than I will. I know it all, have the best solution to everything and know excatly what to do and how to behave. This is not even a joke, I’m an expert in “help-me-with-my-ex situation”. But what when it comes to myself? That’s when I become the biggest idiot on the planet. I’m sure I’m not the only one in this situation. When it comes to something personal, it is very hard to stay objective which I think is the reason we end up doing the dumbest thing possible. There is a very small number of people that are 100 % certain in their decision to break up and I really do admire them. For the rest of us, the fight with ourselves just starts.
‘Was I supposed to do that? Is is right? Should I have broken up with him/her? Fuck! No! I miss him/her. I want it all back! Can I be single now? I can’t, I dont know how! But it was a bad relationship, it was the right thing to do. Oh man, I was so happy with him/her, I’m miserable now. I want him/her back! No! I can’t! Should I? Fuck it! *picks up the phone to write a message* Hey, how are you? I miss you.’
It is hard to just cut someone out, who you previously shared your life with. You feel empty, nothing makes you happy because you know you’re missing a huge part of your life. You’re not ready to date someone else and even if you are, you probably think those dates are just hangouts with people you’ll see twice in your life. So why even bother to meet someone new? There is a constant struggle in your head between wanting to move on and wanting all what you had with your ex back. You end up being stuck at a place in which you don’t even know what you want or what to do. Let me tell you, that place is horrifying. I would rather send that text to my ex than be in a ‘don’t know what i want’ rut. And I did it. At first, it was weird talking again, there were just a few messages sent throughout the whole day. Eventually, it turned out to be 24/7 texting. Texting became a coffee date (my best friend frowned at me when I told her) and of course, the date didn’t end at a caffe. I knew it was a bad idea but thank God I did it. Sometimes the worst ideas bring you the biggest joy and happiness you can imagine.
Most of us “was I supposed to break up with him?” thinkers just need some reassuring that we made the best decision. That can’t come from our best friends, even if they give us the best advice ever, or from new people in our lives. It must come from the same person that made us rethink it all in the first place. As bad as it sounds, going back to my ex was the best damn thing I ever did because it made me realize I don’t want that person ever again and breaking up was the right thing to do. I can also say goodbye to that earlier mentioned horrifying place of not knowing what I want because now I know what I don’t want. So, yes, go back, see why you left them in the first place and never again doubt your decision. Do whatever it takes to make yourself happy again.
“All is fair in love and war!” – John Lyly